Mental conflict in the first net in a month.

I told them my mind was not in it. Yet they insisted I attend. After all this was the first time I had missed 2-3 sessions in over 5 years. So , today was the big day. Reached at 7:20 AM, and immediately a snide remark ...' Ye kya aane ka time hai'. I was like ' Saale khud ek net ko aataa hai aur wo bhi aise ki zamaane pe ehsaan kiya, aur mereko suna raha hai'.. Wotever ... just ignored it and went on. Picked up a ball, and began to bowl .. medium pace, seam up.
First ball was a catastrophe ... lack of practise showed ... way outside the off stump, it would have probably clipped the person standing at first slip. 'Out of touch' they said .. ok.. Second ball was even worse ... this would have clipped third man. Third ball just about ok. Within the stumps that is. After that it was things became better. Everything fell in place, ball pitching just short of length middle and leg line, cramping the batsman for room. Then the typical left arm bowlers delivery, the one angling across a right handed batsman. So things started off badly, but the end was pretty good atleast as far as my bowling was concerned.
The batting began even more badly. Feet were not moving at all. It was almost as if I didnt want to be there. Short delivery outside the offstump, width offered.My mind was saying cut, the bat came down late, or at times early .. anyone else ( or even me in a better frame of mind would have made mincemeat of that kind of delivery), but today it was just not there. 'Hang in' I told myself ... you'll get a couple in the middle of the bat, and then you can go ballistic. Not today .. it was'nt meant to be. Tried to sweep a marginally fuller length delivery , idea - excelent execution - pathetic ( for a shot that I have practised over and over again.. and can actually boast of playing it even in my sleep), ball gets inside edge on to boot , and pops up to where silly point would have been. Then .. a crunchy hit off the front foot , followed by a some more nice hits, but the rest .. all pooping blunders , results of a mind far from sanity, and a heart torn away from its soul. Lucky I did not get out more than once ( an ugly hoick .. and clean bowled... anyone else .. and the ball would have been in orbit). Today .. it was more like a post mortem, I dread to think of what might be ...